Where Running Found Me

Running has always been part of my life in some way or another.

Growing up, I was surrounded by movement. My family was active and being healthy was a normal part of life. As I got older, I slowly drifted away from that version of myself. Fitness took a backseat, I became a smoker, and over time I lost the connection I had to my health, my confidence and who I was.

7 years, 6 months and 28 days ago, my nephew was born. That was the day my life quickly changed course. It was a deep love and quickly I realized that I wanted to be around for a long time. I wanted to be healthy. I wanted to lead by example. I wanted to encourage him to grow into a strong, healthy, confident human. I realized I needed to be that person again too. It was then that I had my last cigarette.

I threw myself back into fitness and slowly starting rebuilding my life one step at a time. Along that road, I found running again and through running, I started finding myself again. Little by little, I rebuilt my health, confidence, my routines and my life. I started challenging myself in ways I never had before. I joined Crossfit Okanagan, a place that quickly became one of my favorite places in the world. It introduced me to people who shaped my life in ways they probably don’t even realize. People who pushed me, supported me, inspired me and reminded me what community really feels like.

I started testing my limits. CrossFit competitions, a sprint triathlon, running races. Then three years ago, I signed up for my first marathon, The Vancouver BMO marathon. I poured everything into training. Early mornings, long runs, sore legs, building discipline. A couple months before race day, my life took a turn. I went through some very difficult things in my personal life, and for a while, I lost motivation for everything. Deep down though, I didn’t want to give up. Running became one of the only things that still made sense. It gave me space to process, breathe, to feel everything I was trying to work through. Some runs felt strong, some very emotional and other just pure survival mode but I kept showing up. I was determined to finish that race. It wasn’t perfect. Not even close. I missed my goal time. My feet were basically one giant blister. But crossing that finish line changed something in me. It lit a fire. Looking back now, that race taught me more than any race ever could. It taught me strength isn’t always about pace or finish times. Strength is continuing forward when life feels hard. So I kept going. I set a goal to run a sub 4 hour marathon. My next marathon was Victoria and I crossed the line in 3:59:59. A finish time that still makes me laugh because it perfectly represents how every second counts. I have since qualified for Boston and Chicago and am now working towards a sub 3-hour marathon. I never want to share these goals to sound impressive for the sake of it. For me, it is simply a reflection of what can happen when you consistently show up for yourself and keep believing in what you are capable of. While my goals and race times still heavily motivate me, somewhere along the way, running became more than just finish times. It became a way back to myself. It has helped me through some of the darkest days of my life. It has taught me resilience, discipline, patience and trust in myself. Running has opened doors I never imagined. It has brought incredible people into my life, taken me to new places, and connected me to communities all over the world. Every trip I take now includes mapped-out running routes. There is something special about experiencing a place through movement.

Yes, there are definetly sacrificies. My social life could use some work, i’m constantly eating (not a bad thing!). Sometimes bedti is before the sun goes down and wake-up calls happen long before sunrise. My feet aren’t exactly pretty anymore. Who really needs toenails anyways?

But I love it. There is something beautiful about willingly choosing hard things. About waking up ridiculously early to go run really far for no other reason than you want to.

Honestly, I think running makes me feel the most alive. Running helped me rebuild my life. It helped me reconnect with who I am underneath all the noise. A place to put all my emotions.

Running is joy. Running is grief. Running is discipline. Running is freedom. Running is healing. Running is growth.

I think my favorite thing about running and life in general, is when someone tells me I can’t do something. I immediately think: Wanna watch??

I hope my journey reminds other people that they are capable of hard things too.